Can my non-parent friends be a part of my children’s faith journey?
by Kirsty Dronfield,
Childrens and Families Worker, Social Media Manager and Perpetually Single Lady.
It’s no secret, I would love to be a mum! I don’t know if it’s in God’s plan for me – that’s another story for another day – but I am an auntie. This gives me the privilege of being able to talk to my niece and nephews about God.
But to be honest, most of the time I feel like I waste that privilege. I’m often faced with the question – I want to do this but how do I do this?!
You might have heard the phrase ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ and you might already be part of a church community that is supportive to families but do you ever wonder:
‘Are my non-parent friends even interested in my kids’ spiritual lives? If so, how can I encourage that in an appropriate way?’
As a single person who loves children, the short answer is YES, we are interested! We care about your children and their relationship with God.
Ultimately, the highest calling for both men and women (whether a parent or not), is to glorify God in everything we do. I believe we can do this best when we encourage each other to love God together as one big family and share what He has done with the next generation, no matter what season we are in.
“Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” Psalm 145:3-4 ESV
Modelling a single life
The majority of people do grow up to have children but there’s a huge percentage of people who don’t and it might be that your child grows up to be one of them. What better way to prepare them than by showing you welcome, love and value your non-parent friends as much as those who are just like you?
Encouraging your non-parent friends to be confident in what they do already know.
I often get a feeling something similar to imposter syndrome when I talk to my parent friends about their children’s spirituality. I sometimes think, ‘who am I to give them advice, I’ve never had any children of my own!?’.
But I have lived with my sister’s children through a difficult time over lockdown. I’ve sang to them when they are poorly, read them bedtime stories, sat alongside my sister through sleepless nights, navigating screaming babies, colic and teething. I’m actually often surprised by how much I do know about parenting through being an auntie, friend, god-parent, God for Kids App advocate and Childrens Worker (I obviously still have a LOT to learn, like all of us do and don’t profess to know everything by a long shot).
So, I can’t speak for every single woman of my age, but I would encourage you to reach out to your trusted single or non-parent friends to ask for help. We may not be parents, but we have a lot to offer and possibly have more time too!
Let them know you appreciate their help and advice regardless of their situation by inviting them into your unfiltered life. They are probably right there waiting for you to ask them to come and to hang out with you and your children in those everyday moments.
Why not encourage them to commit to praying for your children on a regular basis, sharing with them your life experiences and parenting wins and fails as you go along?
Point them in the direction of God for Kids website (among others) to give them ideas for presents – books, colouring books, devotionals etc. When dealing with children, it never helps to turn up empty handed!
Lastly, to those of you who are single or unsure if you will ever have children – be prepared regardless!
A wise person invests in their future and in the lives of others. Knowing what good resources are out there, listening to the experience of others and sharing parenting tips, will help you to prepare if one day you do have children of your own. (This is honestly just a great thing to do no matter who you are!)
It can be hard when longing for a family of your own to feel like you are just being reminded of how you DON’T have children, but one tip to finding a way past that feeling is to think about the joy of things to come – perhaps one day you will see a child you know to profess a faith of their own into adulthood and you know you’ve played a part in that, whether big or small. If you can do this, then your life will be filled with blessings!
Kirsty Dronfield
Kirsty lives in the UK and works as a Children and Families leader at her local church. She enjoys reading, singing and going on adventures and joined the God for Kids team in 2019 to help with the Social Media side of things.