Tips for Intentional Parenting and Screen Time
by Alice Deanie, mum, retired nurse and Head of Togetherness at Around The Box
There is a place and time for everything, but what does that look like as a busy mum to four in a new season?! I love the passage in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, as it empowers me to have healthy boundaries and recognise that my life goes through seasons. I can rest in knowing God is in control, to lean into the season and to discern the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Hi, I’m Alice and I've joyfully said goodbye to the season of nappies, chasing after a toddler and surviving on a few hours’ sleep each night. Instead, it’s one of balancing a small business alongside ferrying children to different clubs, learning where the line is in play-fighting and…. how much screen time to give!?!
Surprisingly enough, there is no mention in Ecclesiastes of how much screen time I should be giving my four children. If my children could, they would spend the whole day watching movies or playing games. Even as an adult, it can be hard to not binge watch my favourite show (Taskmaster for me!).
Netflix CEO openly said that their main competition is sleep! Those few seconds we have to gain self control to not watch another episode before it starts automatically was intentionally set. Researchers know the exact time it takes for us to give up on switching off while autoplay starts. I find that slightly terrifying, but the keyword to give us some hope is intentional.
We must embrace screens, but the key to teaching our children to have healthy boundaries is to not be a slave to technology. As parents and caregivers, we can be as intentional as Netflix, when it comes to screens.
8 ways to be an intentional parent in a world of screens:
1. Pre-plan screen time.
Every family will be different with this but the main aim is so that your family life is not controlled by a tablet or phone. In our family the two main times we use screens are when dinner is being cooked or as an incentive to get the kids ready. The first stops them winding each other up while I’m distracted and the second is because rounding them all up to leave the house at the weekend takes far too long without an incentive. I have friends who use screens before or after school or when siblings are waiting at after school clubs. Make screen time work for you and your family.
2. Interact together with a screen from a young age.
Whether that’s watching a movie or playing a game, being interested in what your children enjoy keeps healthy communication channels open that can continue as they get older. Additionally, enjoying time with your children in front of a screen can be special for bonding and hanging out together. This is one of the reasons I love ‘God for Kids’ app. It opens up conversations and thoughts that you may not hear once the moment has gone.
3. Limit your own screen time.
Oh my, this I find such a challenge. My kids know that there are times when I am with them that I have to be on my phone. For example, when I must do a little bit of work (one of the negatives when running your own business) or I need to get back to someone urgently, but I always try and explain that’s what I’m doing. Since giving our eldest her first phone we have realised that the healthy rules we have in place around limits would be hypocritical if I were to sit there scrolling through Instagram. So I’m really trying to limit the pointless scroll and switch off more.
4. Play games together.
Whether on the screen, in the park or a board game, we should all play together more. It was when we were out for a meal where I saw my husband create fun games that we would all enjoy together where I fell in love with his new business idea. Around the Box is all about bringing people together to connect and have fun with challenges, puzzles and games. I find that when I play and enjoy time spent with my kids that it does something beautiful for our relationship.
5. Let them be bored.
I am not immune to how annoying those two whiny little words can be. But so much research shows that, left to their own devices (pun intended!), children can come up with incredible ideas and develop many different skills. We try and implement the rule that when they start with “I’m bored”, they either have to do something active or be creative. Often (not always), we find that this works and they create their own entertainment.
6. Try screen-free time as a family.
This is another one I find super hard. We are at the stage where we are implementing this slowly. Starting at mealtimes and family days out but our aim is to have one day a week where we do not use screens.
7. Slightly controversial - No screens when at restaurants or having a meal.
For us as a family of 6, going out for a meal is not something we do regularly. Therefore, it is usually saved for special events or treats. Instead of a screen, try taking sticker books or a game or two (I highly recommend Dobble or The Box!).
8. Teach your children to set healthy boundaries.
The Bible is clear about not having any idols other than God. But we all know that panic when we can’t find our phones, and this is not what I want to instil in my children. I want to teach them how to develop self-awareness and understand how self-control is needed when using technology. The fruit of self-control (Galatians 5:22-23) can be emphasised when talking to our children about how to not be slaves to technology. This is on the extreme side, but it just takes a quick google search to see the devastating impact of phone and gaming addictions even from a young age. We must help our children learn to guard their hearts by understanding the negative impact of too much screen time and how to grow in the fruits of the Spirit in a practical way
As I’ve mentioned, every family will have a different approach and I hope that this list will inspire you to continue to create healthy and intentional ways to parent in a world of screens.
Alice Deanie
Based in Manchester, Alice is a mum to four, married to a Magician/Giggle Doctor (David), retired nurse and now Head of Togetherness at Around The Box. She is passionate about bringing people together through moments of fun.