by Joanne Gilchrist, writer and founder of Ruach Resources

I suspect that many parents feel guilty about screen time and their kids. “Am I being too strict?” “Am I not being strict enough?” “Am I setting a bad example?” “Should they have any screen time at all?” “Is it safe?” Maybe you love screen time tech, and wonder “does that make me a bad parent or a better parent?”

Most of us feel like we are making decisions in the dark, looking over each other’s shoulder to see what someone else is doing and just copying that. Until we meet someone who does it differently and then we feel guilty all over again…. so give yourself a break and tell yourself ‘for better or worse, I am doing my best’.

Well done. You are doing your best.

When it comes to figuring out the limits for summer screen time, I am learning as much as you.

So here’s a few tips that I have learned from others. Feel free to pick and choose what might help your family.

1. Limits are good but don’t freak out

There’s a lot of scaremongering when it comes to the internet and technology which can make us fearful. While it is certainly important to be wise, and informed so we can make the best choices, I don’t believe we should be living in fear either.

I avoid things that are inherently harmful - like touching fire or lying down in the middle of a busy road - but I try not to be the kind of person who avoids things that might be harmful - I still cross roads and drive cars and cook seafood, I’m just careful when I do so. It’s the same with technology.

The research seems to suggest that screen-time itself isn’t inherently bad for you. BUT it can become bad when used to excess and prevents other activities such as exercise and family time.

Limits for ourselves and our kids are essential (I suspect you already know that).

The tricky part is, how do you choose what limits to set?

2. Not all screen time is created equal

You might want to set different guidelines for different kinds of screen time. There was a season when I gave my kids 30 minutes of iPad time a day which was fine for just playing fun games.

But now they are a older and use their screens for…

• Homework

• Creating artwork and animations

• Watching ‘how to’ videos to learn how to make animations or crochet

• Writing a novel or short stories for competitions

• keeping in touch with their friends from primary school or during the holidays

• reading the Bible

• learning about God in a fun, engaging way using a multitude of Christian apps!

This is the kind of screen time that is helpful, educational and may even set them on a career path. Do I want to limit that??? Probably not to the same extent that I want to limit games and entertainment.

So I will put strict limits on their devices for certain kinds of apps, but much more generous limits for others.

What kind of things would you consider to be good screen time?

3. Family Screen Time

The Royales: A family who are devoted to each other…. even if all they do is watch the telly

To me, family movie night is sacred and it doesn’t count in the allotted ‘screen time’. It’s an investment in our family’s future. One day, when my kids have their own kids, we shall sit around re-living the same sit-com jokes over and over and laugh just as hard the millionth time as we did the first! Are you the same?

We do try to insist on only one screen at a time. If we’re watching a movie together, then we’re not playing on a screen and that goes for me too (eek!).

What about your family? Do you bond over the telly?

4. Learn and Teach

No one has taught us good screen habits, we are all figuring it out for ourselves. So it’s important to learn for yourself and then teach your kids. These are some good habits I have learnt from others:

• to speak aloud what I want to do before I pick up my phone. (Thank you Bryony Wells for this one). This saves the 10 wasted minutes (every time) checking my notifications before I remember what is it I picked my phone up for in the first place. I’m still learning this one and I need to remember to teach my kids too…

• We should all know by now that looking at a screen within an hour of bedtime affects our sleep. What if we actually followed this good advice instead of just hearing it? (Like the wise man who build his house on the rock etc.….)

• I once asked an older teenager what’s she’s learned about screen time and she said her mental health plummeted when she was on her phone late at night. When it’s dark and you’re tired, hard stuff (like negative texts or FOMO) is so much harder. I learned, so now I teach: phones stay downstairs at night and the kids never take theirs to bed. Bedrooms in our house are screen free zones.

• ‘decluttering’ my apps regularly. Like tidying up a desk or a handbag or a closet, feels really good!

• What would you add to this list so we can teach our kids how to have a healthy ‘relationship’ with their screens?

5. Schedule Screen Free Sabbaths

Tip #5 for Summer Screen Time

As much as I am a fan of ‘redeeming the screen’ and using tech for good, I am fully aware that things can get slowly out of control and need a regular ‘reigning in’ again. About once every 3 months I declare war on the screens in our house for a few days and switch them all off!

But before you resort to extremes like cutting the plug off the WIFI router…

Take regular pauses- like the rests between heart beats. Maybe call it a Screen-Free Sabbath! (Too Cheesy?)

A few years ago I read an article by a Dad-of-four (called Mark Ellis) who implemented a ‘digital detox’ and his kids began to come back to church instead of sitting on their phones all weekend! This convinced me to implement ‘tech free Sundays’ between 9am and 4pm - for kids and grown-ups - and we’ve been doing it for ever since.

At first the kids hated it - they still question it and even I sometimes struggle with it - but we are used to it. We expect it and so usually don’t make a fuss about it. It’s regular, a part of the rhythm of our family.

Amazingly, the most creative ideas and most beautiful memories have been made during our screen-free Sabbaths. If it’s something you don’t do but would like to, let me encourage you to bite the bullet and just do it! The first few weeks will be tough or you might just be surprised.

If you try it, see what springs up in its place for your family. Memories? Family time? Rest? I’d love to know.